July 12, 2014

FUTURE

What is future? 

For Ma, it is patterns. Stars, planets, and demi-gods, come together and project trends. Where, she studies their alignments and guesses what could happen next, just like my grandfather and many others from my family. And surprisingly, she is always right. 

For Pa, it is actions. Judging the present, learning from the past, drawing a parallel, and planning the next step. Where, he tries to keep away anger, pain, even excitement, and sieve through the situation, challenge every angle, and observe every argument to make the best decision. Fearless, in all his glory, just like a lion ready to fight a herd of elephants. 

For Ashi, it is rationale. A student of Physics, Maths, and Aerospace; it is all about connections. Analyzing the equations of time spent to project the prospective events, questioning the logic of the respective links, and combing for the situation with the most logical explanation.

That leaves me. And future. For someone who lives in present, future is a scary concept as is past a painful lesson. I see future as an opportunity. A place where my present might lead me to. Where I will still have no regrets. Where I will still bleed for the right people and causes. Future to me is an extension of my present, a reflection of my actions. A parallel of my present. It looms over my head but doesn't worry me because everyday I am a step closer to my future. It does scare me when Ma comes to me with dangerous patterns and their prospective warnings, but then I also have Pa who believes that I am fearless like a lioness. That I am not a coward. That instead of living in fear and halting, I will examine each and every way that is in front of me. And if changing the course is the best way, I will chose that. Not because I am afraid but because it is the best way. And almost always best ways are not the easy ones to pick.

Like right now, I am struggling with finding the best way. My opportunity is almost within my grasp and Ma has again come to me with patterns. Pa wants me to pick 'my best way'. Ashi wants me to analyze each angle. And all three of them are waiting for me to decide.

Right now, I am cursing the day I wished to have the ability to make decisions for myself. Because IT. IS. NOT. EASY. However, that doesn't change anything. Except, it leaves me with a question that is punching my gut for four days now... 

Standing at the cusp of change, what do I do about future? 

~Sneha

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