February 25, 2013

Words: Letters to Mum #3

The final letter of the series that I wrote to mum thanks to Parentous is here. In this letter I spoke about those troubled times that I have never really talked about much. In case, you missed the first two, here is the link 


Dear Maa,

Some days back, we completed 2 years of the detection of my benign tumor. I remember the day when I first experienced pain in my stomach and we had brushed it as my bad eating habits. Though after repeated bouts of pain, we visited so many doctors to ascertain the cause. I remember how shocked we were when we first came to know of my tumor.

Till then, I had read about them only in my science books and you knew about it because you lost your sister-in-law i.e my maternal aunt to ovarian cancer. Both of us were so scared and lost. This couldn’t happen to us. This couldn’t happen to me! After all, I was just 22 then!

We decided against telling dad initially for we knew he is our weak-hearten baby. We also decided to keep A out of it, after all he is my baby bro and used to stay in hostel across the country. 


You were my support and I was yours. 

For 2 months, we tried alternate medicines but by then the tumor had become too big for us to handle. And then, I had my first paralytic pain attack that shook me up and rendered me out of action for a week.

Doctors after doctors, scans, tests, sonographs, city scans, heavy medicines, failure of liver, ovarian cancer scare, uncontrollable bouts of pain, innumerable sleepless nights, Anemia, Jaundice, low BP, super High BP, and mental torture. You were there always besides me, scared, apprehensive yet a strong support system.

Diwali, my birthday, dad’s birthday, Christmas, New years, A’s birthday, almost every day of week was spent at scan centers, clinics and hospitals. I was weak and fragile as a baby but you ferried me to authorities without a word of complaint. Revival of organs, driving away the cancer scare, fighting the weakness and pain would have been not possible had you not been there with me, Maa.

Those 5 days in hospital saw me taking a rebirth. I revisited my first glimpse of world, first word learnt again, first sip of water, learning how to sit again, take baby steps again, push myself to run again only with your help. You stayed alongside and soothed my fears every waking minute. You saw through all the jokes your daughter cracked and sensed her insecurities. You supported her when she had nearly stopped believing in herself. All she wanted was a peaceful painless death after reaching her high point of tolerance as none of the painkillers would help her.  But Maa, you pushed her towards life again. You made me, me again.

A woman who has never ever fallen sick other than having common cold had just lost one of her ovaries to tumor. The doctors could not save my ovary and that reduced my chances of having a baby. You knew they did that, you knew the humongous number of stitches that now adorned on your daughter’s prided flat flawless abs, but you never said a word till the last day of discharge. For you knew, it would badly hit my self-esteem. Agreed, that was one of the lesser problems, but it was still a problem.

Honestly Maa, I was proud when you told me of my loss of ovary and gain of these scars. They will remind me about your strength forever. They will remind of this period of my life when I saw death an inch away from me and was rescued by an angel i.e you.  I am proud of you, Maa. It was a difficult thing to allow the doctors remove that ovary. It was a difficult thing to watch me in pain everyday, every hour. It was not easy for you to support me all the time by pumping in so much of medicines to keep me fighting and alive.

However, you did it.

Thank you and in-debt are small words in return for what you have done for me. My God and everything is lesser description of you for me. I would just say, I owe every breath of mine to you, Maa.

Muaah,
Your Love

                

14 comments:

  1. This is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. I've gone through a similar experience, and I know exactly how you feel when you think to yourself "This can't be happening to me; I'm too young!". You're a brave strong woman, and your mother is a rockstar.

    My love to the both of you.

    Love, Miffalicious. [www.miffalicious.com]

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks A. Thank you so much. Maa is indeed a rockstar! Hugs to you as well, you brave woman. Hope those troubled times are a part of your past as they are mine.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is so so beautiful. Just a few months ago I was struck with dengue & though we took it lightly at first, it got sort of bad. My dad couldn't handle it but it was my mom who tool me the hospital when I almost couldn't walk from weakness & stayed with me those days.
    This was obviously scary for you & you are so brave for writing this & sharing it. *hugs* & thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Magali

      Hope you are doing better now. Dengue is in the air now a days. Do take care even after you recuperate. It was scary indeed. That was one phase of my life that could have been the last but all thanks to Mum, Dad and complete family it passed away. It has taken me lot of time to accept that such a thing happened to me. After that writing about it was easy.

      Thank you so much *hugs*

      Delete
  4. Sneha,
    You don't know how much I loved this series.
    I can totally relate to your story,
    as I have gone through similar ups and downs in my life.
    Both you and your mom are a big inspiration!

    Much Love,
    Priya
    www.priyaadivarekar.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Priya,thank you so much! I am happy you could connect with my words and curves of life. Oh and the inspiration bit, Mum definitely is an amazing idol (not sure about me though. Thank you!)

      Take care

      Delete
  5. This is beautiful! Thank you for reminding me of what is so important in life!
    www.rsrue.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Nice and great article sharing grant for us. Like and love it very much. Thanks a lot for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi,

    I have a quick question about your blog, would you mind emailing me when you get a chance?

    Thanks,

    Cameron

    cameronvsj(at)gmail.com

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for dropping by! It is always nice to hear from you :)