No, this is not a feel good write-up because sometimes you need a wake-up call.
You have the habit of allowing everyone in your life. You welcome them with an open heart. Share your life with them. Your deepest fears, your mad dreams, your small problems, even the most significant things of your life. You give everything to them, so much so that you forget yourself. You stand by when they need you the most. Be their anchor, support, and mirror.
However, when the comfort seeps in everyone goes back to their lives without giving a thought about you. Everyone got their mind unburdened. They got their feelings out. An anchor was there to support them. However, the agony aunt stays alone.
Supporters can't be kids themselves. They can't be unstable, imprudent, and hot headed fools. They don't have that right. They can't feel insecure when they have no one around because this is how things should be. It is their fault. Why do they crave for company? A strong anchor's job profile doesn't include that. They can't shout, shriek or scream with or without a reason. They need to be calm, as always. They need to be their own support. This is how they make you feel. Isn’t it?
But it is not their fault. If you give it a thought you will realize that nobody has the time or energy to make you feel at ease. Everyone has their own life to cater. Your nature is your mistake. You are unstable, they are not. You are mad, they are not heartless. You offered shelter, why would they not accept it?
You know what’s the irony? You don't realize that you should stay distant. That you should be choosy with people. You don’t pick those who matter, those who stay, and those who care over the world. And then you hurt yourself and whine. But you know what is the most ridiculous thing about you? You keep repeating this cycle over and over again. Hurt, whine, hurt, whine, hurt, and whine. Moments like these clarify this to you and you turn a blind eye to them. Surely, you don't have the right to complain.
Keep your insecurities, dreams, hopes, fears, yourself to yourself. Or share them with the ones who matter the most. Not everyone should have the access to your core. Don’t cry over others not being there. There is a reason they are called others. There is a reason that flame always burns brightly alone. The moment wind joins it, it becomes a dangerous combination. The sooner you learn this lesson, the better it is for you.
It is the only way to stay sane.