June 18, 2012

Bikinis and Hymen.



So you thought, I am always this grim, serious writer who is boring down your neck with yawnable (No no no, don't point it out as a wrong word. I just invented this word! *pats back*) articles? Uhuh. 

Everyone has phases and I, for the matter of fact have the most. And I am very well allowed to have this phases. Why? First, I am a girl. Yes, that's one big reason enough. Second, I am on a diet! Sigh, trust me. It is the most difficult thing to do in this whole big bad world. Day in, day out, I just see food flying here, there and everywhere. Thirdly, medicines are being pumped left, right and center in my body. Ah well, I may have exaggerated that part a wee bit but hey! That doesn't negate the fact that I am really on a medicine diet! 

Amidst dieting, work and boring evening, what is the best thing that could happen with me? Guys? Naah. They are *yawn* leave it. The best thing that could happen with me is group chat with my bitches! Woohoo! 

Here's a peek-a-boo in the conversation between Mad Woman (M), Fun Woman (F) and Lotus Woman (L):

(Enter group chat) 

M: Hungryy
  
F: haha. I told you to have a sub sandwich.


M: Bikini mission babes :( 


F: Me also not gonna eat crap now onwards

L: Bikini time?

F: oh yuss yuss. Belly piercing time! 

L: Me got pink :D

F: Yay! Me buy all colors

M: F and me have decided to lose some weight so that we can don bikinis in Goa

L: me too

F: and get laid too

L: I am fat fat dat, in the middle like the pilsbury kid

F: I'm tooooooo fat hippo fat

M: Mera toh gone case hai, I am super fat so even if I lose 1-2 kgs it will be an achievement


F: im like the hippo .. u know what i mean.

M: F, you are so not a hippo! I just saw you. How did you become a hippo in less than an hour?


L: Feck u woman my centers are jelly belly

M: Hehe! Work out darling :P

F:  Mine are gooooey


L: I need to jog and run

F: I belly dance by doing as much as walking

L: Lol, ur crazy wifey 


(Yes, F is L's wife and I am L's lover and also adopted kid. Bitch talk! Not to be taken seriously! But then, we don't care if you do! )

F: Wind can't make it move. Too heavy for that

M: LOL

F: Ask *insert name of an ex-colleague* He has seen that. 


L: Grrr *insert name of an ex-colleague* has seen what ur wife hasn't?
  
:((

F: Hahahaha *insert name of an ex-colleague* has seen me walk

M: hahahhaha

F: and you haven't seen me in a while. You biatttch! 

L: nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn :P I like the drama man!  Miss it badly. 

M: Drama, well that defines all of us! Nahhhhiiiiiiiiiiii

F: Yeh sunne se pehle yeh zameen fat kyun nahi gauyi


L: :) Sex and city .. .but with M, its virgin and the city


F: aur main issmein samaa kyun nai gayi

M: Facepalm Why L? Why are you so mad at my hymen?

F: We'll spike her drink this trip
  
L: Yesh yesh because you are hymenally challenged! 

F: You are sexually deprived! Undernourished your insides are.


 L: For the trip, count my boy out.

F:  No way, he's coming and cumming and I don't wanna hear him if he's a screamer. I'm gonna be making confirmations including him. So tell him, if he doesn't turn up he needs to pay for everybody's trip. 
  
L:He's an ass man
  
F: Not a boobie man?

L : Lol every man is a ass man, boobies are just added attraction


F: Yeah man, I like the ass men, M, we find a butt spanking man for you! 

L: Now the topic shall go to semen and M will be like what man? BTW M, there's an ex army guy works for you now. You interested? He's darn cute

F: baba... naaaiiiiceeee! Go for it M! They are wild in bed! 

L: I know! 

F: These army and ex army men! 

L: But yeah he's not that old! Mmmmmmm? Where are you M? 

F: Have you noticed that M's been missing since we began virginity and hymen bursting talk ??? hahhaa! M! Ok ma girlies, I go too now. I call you both in eve. Do a con call! Byeee Hotnessssssessss

M: I am back! Was on a call

L: okies, muah. Phone sex doesn't affect hymen

M: Hahahahah btw I louuuvvevee army men. I want!

L: Ok ok. I'll hook u up with this one. I am sure you will like. 


M: Tall, dark, handsome? Not a dickhead or air head?

L: Not dickhead. Sweet. Here *insert the army guy's facebook profile link*  We feel bad abt u being hymenally challenged so you better change that. 


M: ROFL! I am fine with being hymenally challenged


(After checking the guy's profile) 

M: Nooooo. Not another southie! Noo! Next option please! 

L: Lol

So yeah, this is it! Some of it. I have the best bitches in the world! What would my life be without these two idiots? B.O.R.I.N.G! *group hug time* 

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